eight arms to hold you

disclaimer; I stole this blog title from Veruca Salt's album title
Dorathea and I had a Valentines day party with our friends at the pool today.  I pretended to be an octopus and catch her for a Valentine hug.

Ted teases The kids that we are having octopus for dinner.  And tonight when they came to dinner this was waiting for them;

Hot dog Octopus in an underwater broccoli forest.  Her reaction;

And if that weren't enough  then came dessert;

marshmallow puppies and kitties

Not the most nutritious meal, but fun was had by all.

cleaning, and dying, and growing, and loving.

I keep praying about my purpose at this point in my life.  Is it time to work on my dreams of illustrating yet?  Should I start a Masters in art program?  What about the books I want to finish?  I've been peppering God with these questions since the New Year.  

The answer?  Clean your house.  It would not have been my first choice.  Really God?  

I know it must be God talking because I would never think of such a crazy thing.  In my journal I write these words;

 "Clean your home as if you are polishing your soul.  Look for where God is in your house and work with him there.  "He is faithful to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness".  Sweep away the anxiety and the guilt.  Cleanse your lips of complaining and discontentment. Pour yourself into your children. Order your home in this way and your free time will bear more fruit."

So here I am these last couple weeks trying to clean a thing as I thank God for it too.  This is not coming naturally.  Most of the time I don't see the progress, even though other people seem too.  Guests and Ted encourage me, but they only see a fraction of the work I'm doing.  The bulk of the work is on my heart.  "But God I don't want to do the laundry", "Allison, I am there so if you join me doing laundry now you will be much happier there than reading that magazine and plotting your next project. and besides, the project won't be as fruitful if you don't follow me".  

Today as I wiped the bathroom floor I thought, "I hate this blue cardboard floor!, It makes everything look dirtier, not that I'm very good at cleaning it and God, could you please do something about the hole in the shower that is covered in ductape?"  Then I stopped myself.  whoa!  "Thank you God for this bathroom and the floor that has never leaked and for all the hot showers and baths I've had here".  

So my days seem to become ordered this way;  Wake up, get dressed, wipe down sink and toilet, feed kids, unload or load dishes, do a load of laundry, wash dry fold and put away one load of laundry.  Then if their is time work on one spot to clean or one project to do.  I have scrubbed baseboards with a toothbrush.  I have cleaned the basement.  I have scrubbed crayon off 6 walls and every night I try to do all the dishes in the sink and shine and dry it and clean the clothes in my room.

The funny thing is in the evenings after the kids go to bed and on the one afternoon a week I take 3 hrs to do some creative work, I'm getting more done.  Not books just yet, although I might pull some out to polish off soon. 

 More like this;

A valentine for Dorathea's Valentine party next week.  It says, "A friend Loves at all times proverbs 17:17" under the watch.  The watch is filled with candy and D cut and suck the hearts on herself.

and this;

This poster is from a series I'm working on for church.

I was reading a magazine (on my downtime, I promise) on gardening and learned that the best start for seeds is in sterile soil.  The best soil has been heated to a temperature that kills all the bacteria in it.  I started some seedlings this morning and used clean containers as the article recommended, and sterile soil.
I wonder if God is instructing me on cleaning my home to be this sterile soil for my children (and Ted and I) to grow in.

In the past two weeks I've already seen a change in them.  Dorathea, on top of doing chores she's asked to do has become accustomed to cleaning her room or toys before she can do special things like watch tv.  Jonathan (almost 2) has begun to clean up after himself, clears his own plate from the table, and helps me fill the dishwasher with silverware.  Dorathea and I start real homeschooling this coming Fall and I'm hoping this cleaning will ready us somehow for that adventure.

So I'm working at dying to myself over here.  I'm making the bacteria die from my intense scrubbing!  The ungratefulness in my heart is going with it!

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." 25“He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. 26“If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him." John 12:24

Who knew Jesus did laundry? 

counting on a very sick week

- my big baby boy rising and falling on my chest feverishly needing his mommy
- knowing even in the ER that he is a healthy boy just momentarily sick, thank you God
-decorating cookies with Dorathea and packaging them up tight for neighbors
-finding little presents for Teddy
- Knowing that even when I loose it with my husband that he will always welcome me home
- Moments alone in the coffee shop pouring over magazines yay for solitude
-"The power of a praying wife"
- Your mercies are new every morning

Mirror

I see the stains on my knees from a life of cleaning and scrubbing little faces.  The pants are not in fashion anymore, I am not the same size I was, and my face never gets looked at in the morning mirror, and when I do look I see silver has climbed into my hair and made herself at home.  But you dear say I am lovely and more lovely and altogether lovely, and so I trade my morning mirror for your face.   She tells me I am beautiful and wonderful, and I know she sees the real me, and I am.  My clothing turns to silk and velvet in her eyes, and it is and I am.  I am not busy with drudgery but am twirling through this marriage, and their childhoods and my sweet life because you offered me romance and I said yes, and when it looks like a dirty house and smells bad she says I smell like flowers and I look beautiful and he says I am lovely.  They see that you clothe me in beauty and bejewel my hair with your approval and I say yes to my reflection which today was in a toddler smiling at the new sun through the window and a little girl's morning toe-tapping dance of praise, and you in my hair crowning silver and in my heart saying well done beautiful one, and I say yes, yes, yes!

Mud, bath, and flowers.

Her raincoat is on, umbrella in her hand.  Her barefeet in July mud splashing, laughing, squishing.  

My girl.  

I leave her to her fun.  Then, "mommy, I'm ready to come in now" Me- "Ok, stand on the big rock I'll get a soft towel".  I wash her feet, unpeel wet layers.  "How about a bath?" I ask "Yes!" she says, "Can I eat a peach after a bath?" "You can eat a peach during a bath!".  Up the stairs, I run the water, little feet go in the tub, bubbles go in.  "Mommy-"  "Yes?", "I love you more than a bath!", I reply "I love you more than bubbles!"  I love this game of her cup of love running over.  I think she is a blessing.  I leave her to her fun, door open I can hear her playing.
Downstairs I read the article about the Saussers past debt, jail time, divorce.  I sigh and share it with Ted.   Upstairs- "Mommy, I'm doo-oone!".  Upstairs she entertains me with a bath puppet show. I dry her off, we tiptoe out of her room, J is sleeping.  Downstairs we talk about the Sausser mess with Shayne.  He reads James 5 and hands me a forgiveness sheet.  I need it.  "Mommy does your stomach hurt?"  "Yes, how did you know that?" I say  "Because mine does too".  "My heart does too"  I say.  "Will you pray for mommy?"   This takes a little convincing.  But she closes her eyes and prays, "God, help mommies tummy feel better and her heart, and give her flowers, and tell her you love her".  We open our eyes "You know why I pray for God o give you flowers?" she asks "Why?".   "Because you are beautiful like flowers and you smell like them when you get out of the shower".  "Do I smell like them now?"  "No!".


50.  For four year old toes splashing in mudd
51. when little cups run over with love
52.  for the"I love you more than" game
53.  For her discerning heart
54.  For your truth through those I love
55.  For everything I need and more than enough
56.  For ordaining a  child to comfort me and give me strength today

45. Cute bear and lion on the couch laughing
34.  Chorus of Chinese ladies giggling and talking with a talkative Dorathea
35.  Running under the stars
36. Saving 75.00 on a 65.00 grocery bill
37.  Child's pose with Dorathea
38.  Sit ups a baby on my feet and on in the air
39.  Husband who cleans bathroom and goes on a hunt for flies
40. Father-Daughter Tennis
41. Little boy who stands at the door and says bye bye when you put his shoes on
42. Dorathea tickling Jonathan with bear paws of her bear costume,

43. Boys with a lion costume on who wag their tails as they hug you
29. Walking to Charlie's Chinese
30. Coffee Toffee Ice Cream after a run
26. The smell of sweet summer air at night

Women friends

Day at the lake I wave at a group of friends and unload the kids beside their beach towels.  I see myself in your mirrored sunglasses and I look huge, every other mom looks like the cute, small, women they are.  I try to untangle the comparison thoughts from my mind.  "No, I am myself, I am beautiful".  We sit and talk parenting and I soak up all the negative traits we talk about as my own parenting style.  "No we are all different and perfect for our own children"  I fight back the attacker in my head.  I begin to stop focusing on my faults and she the real beauty of these women.  Each ordained to mother our little individuals.  Each with beauty they wear on their sleeves and beauty that is uncovered the deeper into their spirits you go.  I feel more beautiful reflected in their mirrored beauty.  We laugh, we talk, we share, we kiss crying babies.




27. Clean and Asleep babies home from the lake
28. Time to breath
31.  Many Girlfriends by the lakewater
32. Babies gathered around us in the sand
33. "Mom, I had so much fun today!"- Dorathea
44. Old friends catching up in my living room with friendships that never are old
46. Holly Myers' giggle
47. Lovely women friends who don't bite at, talk about,  or make fun of each other.- such safety in that!