I keep praying about my purpose at this point in my life. Is it time to work on my dreams of illustrating yet? Should I start a Masters in art program? What about the books I want to finish? I've been peppering God with these questions since the New Year.
The answer? Clean your house. It would not have been my first choice. Really God?
I know it must be God talking because I would never think of such a crazy thing. In my journal I write these words;
"Clean your home as if you are polishing your soul. Look for where God is in your house and work with him there. "He is faithful to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness". Sweep away the anxiety and the guilt. Cleanse your lips of complaining and discontentment. Pour yourself into your children. Order your home in this way and your free time will bear more fruit."
So here I am these last couple weeks trying to clean a thing as I thank God for it too. This is not coming naturally. Most of the time I don't see the progress, even though other people seem too. Guests and Ted encourage me, but they only see a fraction of the work I'm doing. The bulk of the work is on my heart. "But God I don't want to do the laundry", "Allison, I am there so if you join me doing laundry now you will be much happier there than reading that magazine and plotting your next project. and besides, the project won't be as fruitful if you don't follow me".
Today as I wiped the bathroom floor I thought, "I hate this blue cardboard floor!, It makes everything look dirtier, not that I'm very good at cleaning it and God, could you please do something about the hole in the shower that is covered in ductape?" Then I stopped myself. whoa! "Thank you God for this bathroom and the floor that has never leaked and for all the hot showers and baths I've had here".
So my days seem to become ordered this way; Wake up, get dressed, wipe down sink and toilet, feed kids, unload or load dishes, do a load of laundry, wash dry fold and put away one load of laundry. Then if their is time work on one spot to clean or one project to do. I have scrubbed baseboards with a toothbrush. I have cleaned the basement. I have scrubbed crayon off 6 walls and every night I try to do all the dishes in the sink and shine and dry it and clean the clothes in my room.
The funny thing is in the evenings after the kids go to bed and on the one afternoon a week I take 3 hrs to do some creative work, I'm getting more done. Not books just yet, although I might pull some out to polish off soon.
More like this;
A valentine for Dorathea's Valentine party next week. It says, "A friend Loves at all times proverbs 17:17" under the watch. The watch is filled with candy and D cut and suck the hearts on herself.
and this;
I was reading a magazine (on my downtime, I promise) on gardening and learned that the best start for seeds is in sterile soil. The best soil has been heated to a temperature that kills all the bacteria in it. I started some seedlings this morning and used clean containers as the article recommended, and sterile soil.
I wonder if God is instructing me on cleaning my home to be this sterile soil for my children (and Ted and I) to grow in.
In the past two weeks I've already seen a change in them. Dorathea, on top of doing chores she's asked to do has become accustomed to cleaning her room or toys before she can do special things like watch tv. Jonathan (almost 2) has begun to clean up after himself, clears his own plate from the table, and helps me fill the dishwasher with silverware. Dorathea and I start real homeschooling this coming Fall and I'm hoping this cleaning will ready us somehow for that adventure.
So I'm working at dying to myself over here. I'm making the bacteria die from my intense scrubbing! The ungratefulness in my heart is going with it!
"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." 25“He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. 26“If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him." John 12:24Who knew Jesus did laundry?
