As I lingered between sleep and awake last night I saw a monster. It wasn't cute like Cookie Monster. First it was just one clouded over eye, white and unseeing . Then I saw the whole monster a scaly and robust brown and it was clutching my heart.
I asked God, "What is that?".
"Self Hate" He said.
"Wherever it holds your heart it blocks the truth from being able to penetrate into that part of your heart."
The words "You are beautiful Allison" floated back to me, things my mother said over and over when I was a teenager and I never believed. I would retort, "You don't see me like I really am." I would listen instead to those who really didn't know me very well, or at all. Or compare myself to the people I saw around me, measuring myself against them as if they were the rulers to measure how I could or should look. Later I would struggle to believe my husband when he echoed my Mom's words, "You're beautiful". Self hate at that time had locked onto the self beauty and body image part of my heart and blocked the truth. He only let in the hate.
I remember seeing those blind eyes of Self Hate, clouded over. I realized what I was seeing Hate is blind. Only Love can see clearly. Love sees us as we truly are. Hate lies, but Love tells the truth.
So go away big scary monster!
Lord forgive me for ever letting hate take over any part of my heart. Help me diligently guard my heart with the truth, your loving words of who I really am.
Beloved
Beautiful
Perfect
Without any stains
Fulfilling who you designed me to be.
Good Mother
Amazing Wife
Cherished Daughter
and so many more,
Proverbs 4;
I asked God, "What is that?".
"Self Hate" He said.
"Wherever it holds your heart it blocks the truth from being able to penetrate into that part of your heart."
The words "You are beautiful Allison" floated back to me, things my mother said over and over when I was a teenager and I never believed. I would retort, "You don't see me like I really am." I would listen instead to those who really didn't know me very well, or at all. Or compare myself to the people I saw around me, measuring myself against them as if they were the rulers to measure how I could or should look. Later I would struggle to believe my husband when he echoed my Mom's words, "You're beautiful". Self hate at that time had locked onto the self beauty and body image part of my heart and blocked the truth. He only let in the hate.
I remember seeing those blind eyes of Self Hate, clouded over. I realized what I was seeing Hate is blind. Only Love can see clearly. Love sees us as we truly are. Hate lies, but Love tells the truth.
So go away big scary monster!
Lord forgive me for ever letting hate take over any part of my heart. Help me diligently guard my heart with the truth, your loving words of who I really am.
Beloved
Beautiful
Perfect
Without any stains
Fulfilling who you designed me to be.
Good Mother
Amazing Wife
Cherished Daughter
and so many more,
Proverbs 4;
20My child, pay attention to what I say.
Listen carefully to my words.
21Don’t lose sight of them.
Let them penetrate deep into your heart,
22for they bring life to those who find them,
and healing to their whole body.
23Guard your heart above all else,
for it determines the course of your life
